Finally taking the plunge......

....Yes, the Polar Plunge........so I need your help. I was involuntarily volunteered to jump into the Detroit River as a fundraiser to help the Special Olympics of Michigan. I have successfully avoided this meaningful duty for the past 5 years, but my time has come. These monies help fund the training and competitions for over 17,000 athletes throughout the state – so its a great cause. My goal is to raise $500......so I’m looking for 50 $10 pledges.

If I don’t raise any money, then they won’t let me jump in the Detroit River.........in February...........where the temperature of the water is the least of my worries. So don’t be the person that allows me to sit home that day watching the Winter Olympics next to my fireplace while drinking hot chocolate. Donate today so I can take the plunge!

There is also a theme where all of the plungers (did I just say - plungers?) dress in costumes for this event. And awards are even given to the most creative costumes. So I will treat you to lunch at J. Alexander’s if I use your costume idea. Try and think of something that won’t weigh me down once I enter the water............unless of course, you don’t want me to come out of the water. Something that covers my feet too, because I’m not sure what I could step on down there. I thought about dressing up as Jimmy Hoffa, cause he may already be in there and it would be funny seeing him come out. I also thought about a toaster costume cause that’s just funny – no extension cord though.

Anyway, send your costume ideas to me and send your donations to the website below. You can send me cash too, and I’ll make sure it gets where it needs to go...............to my hospital co-pay for hypothermia and the antibiotics for the ensuing rash. ;-)

Got 10?

<http://www.firstgiving.com/tomlico>

"Kneed" Me?

Well, I had my first "procedure" of any kind this morning, other than dental work. Also, it was my first time under any anesthetic that didn't have the name "Jack" or "Jose" attached to it (that's a whiskey and tequila joke for those a little slow today). I am typing this just 2 1/2 hours after the completion of my surgery. So I still have some anesthetic flowing through me and the vicodin is starting to kick in. That is my disclaimer if I type anything that doesn't really make sense..........like this whole blog post. ;-)

I was not allowed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight last night. So just for fun, I walked in the surgery center at 7:00 am holding an empty Tim Horton's coffee cup. I told the woman at Registration, "Don't worry, it's decaf." Then she felt it was ok to razz me about me wearing my flannel pajama pants to surgery. I pointed to her scrubs and said, "You didn't dress up for this either." Nice way to start out a surgical procedure - exchanging smart-ass remarks with the registration desk.

The people at the Beaumont Surgical Center were outstanding........until they shaved my leg. She asked, "Left knee?" I said, "Yes. My left, your right." "Huh?" In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have been making jokes about which knee to operate on. Oh well. I asked her how long it takes to grow back. She said, "I don't know, I never let mine grow this long." Nice. Left leg is shaved 6 inches above and below the knee. That'll be a great look when I hit the gym in a couple of weeks for physical therapy. I asked her to shave the other leg the same way for some symmetry. She said, "No dice. You're on your own with that one."

Then the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself. I asked if they had any flavored anesthetics, you know, like at the dentist. I preferred "cherry" or "cookie dough" if they had it. He told me that he would see what he could do. I also let them know that I'm an aspiring comedian and was hoping to get some material from this. So everyone was having fun sharing other stories for me. I just wanted to make sure everyone was awake and alert and that they knew if they screwed up, I would make fun of them on stage. Accountability. Yeah, that's it.

They then wheeled me down to the operating room, slid me on the table, injected me with the cookie dough anesthetic and I was asleep quicker than the Lions give up a touchdown. Woke up an hour later in the recovery room. The word got out that I was a part-time comedian and they were asking for jokes. I was still waking up, so I would tell them jokes in and out of consciousness. They thought it was funny how I would start telling a joke, then fall back asleep in the middle of the punch line. I told them to look me up on youtube for the whole joke. I think I made up a couple of new Tiger Woods jokes too......or maybe that was just the "cookie dough" talking. They asked if I felt nauseous. I told them - "Only when I watch a Lions game." It got to the point where the anesthesiologist was giving me a "rim shot" after the jokes.

My mom was a trooper through the whole thing. After years of her taking my dad for hospital visits and procedures - and watching my dad do the same thing......it was a walk down memory lane for her. Glad I could comply.

After all said and done, I was back at my house by 10:45. Got situated in the recliner with remote in hand and turned the tv on. Shortly thereafter, I was in excruciating pain. Yes, watching Drew Carey host "The Price Is Right" is incredibly painful to watch. Fortunately, I have a whole bottle of vicodin by my side. Half the bottle is for me, the other half is to sell to cover my co-pay. Tell Obama, I have my own health care plans. Anyway, I put in a movie which helped ease the Drew Carey induced pain and made protein shake.......cause I'm starving!

I have an ace bandage wrapped from my foot to my thigh and I have to leave it on for 3 days. Glad I took a shower this morning.......cause its gonna be a few days. Probably should have kept that part to myself. Might limit the visitors this weekend. Because I'm a sentimentalist at heart, I am using the same crutches my dad used when he had knee surgery in 1968. That probably wasn't a good idea either.

Thanks again for all the well-wishes. I really do appreciate it. It's nice to know how many people think they're in my will. I had a great experience and I'm having a great day........because that is my choice. It's a choice we get to make every morning, so choose wisely!

Are You 100% Alive?

Many people live their lives with hesitance, apprehension and fear. Most also lack confidence in their own abilities. They are not showing the world all they have to offer. Without realizing it, they’re only 50% alive. There are also those that constantly talk about how wonderful things used to be in the past. Sorry, but those people are living less than 50%. It’s ok to celebrate the past, but you can’t live in it and expect to get the most out of life. Some people are confident and make things happen, but there is a disconnect in how they communicate with others. They’re up the scale a bit, but cap out around 75%.

So what does it mean to BE 100% alive?

It's about being the best version of you. It's taking all the positive attributes you bring to the table, and then exploiting the hell out of them. It's putting yourself in position to succeed - in whatever you do. It's living life without hesitance or apprehension. It’s knowing what you want and making daily decisions that move you closer to it. It's being confident in your abilities – not arrogant, but confident. It's about accepting challenges, exceeding expectations and making a difference in the lives around you.

Living your life this way is contagious. People will want to be a part of whatever you got going on. They'll seek your advice and/or assistance in whatever they have going on. It's about being the richest person in town. Not rich in the monetary sense - it's about emotional wealth.

Ok, you may be asking - sounds interesting, but how do I get there? Well, it's a conscious choice you make every day you get out of bed. Ask people what they like about you and do more of it. Ask people what they don't like about you and do less of it. Figure out what you want out of life and write it down. This will help every day when you have to make decisions. Just ask yourself the simple question - will this move me closer to my goal or farther? If the answer is closer, then do it. If the answer is farther, then don't. It's that simple. If you don't have a goal, then you're living your life by accident - meaning you just react to what life throws at you. That's like wanting to build a house and never drawing up blue prints - just going to Home Depot, buying materials and start building. Do you know anybody who has built a house in that manner? But we watch people live their lives like that everyday.

Don't live your life by accident. Live your life by design. It's never to late to draw up the blue prints, make decisions on things that are in your control and that move you closer to your goals. Then go out and be the best version of yourself. The residual effects will blow you away and you just might become the richest person you know.

This Is For You.....Dad

Dear Dad,

I can’t believe it’s been over 7 ½ years since I received the phone call on that snowy January day. You left us too soon and you’re still missed by so many.

You must know what I’ve been up to the past several weeks – you would be so excited. I signed up for a class at the Comedy Castle called – “Stand-up Comedy 101.” It is a 6-week class that meets for a couple of hours on Saturday mornings. The class teaches you how to properly write jokes for stand-up and works with you on performing them on stage. After the six weeks are complete, everyone goes on stage to individually perform at a “Graduation Show” at Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle. The class is now complete and we will be performing the evening of October 28.

During the first class, we all went on stage to introduce ourselves to each other. I let everyone know that this was the first time that I paid for the class, but by no means was it my first class. I was incredibly lucky to be raised in an environment where I was taught through your example, how to write a joke, perform it, and most importantly, how to use humor to be a positive influence in the lives of others. I didn’t fully realize the impact of that last part until after your passing. Yes, your funeral is still the only funeral anyone has ever heard of that held an “Open Mike Night” where so many people told stories of how your humor created a lasting impact in their lives. Never has anyone been to a funeral service where a packed room was filled with tears of laughter as each story was told. Since that time, I have continually been reminded of your influence whether I’m talking to relatives, friends or the occasional person I run into that says, “Was Joe Lico your father? I remember when he did…..” as they go on telling some funny story that they some how remember every detail of. Jim Rogers talks about how you were able to use your sense of humor as a healthy distraction after the funeral of his daughter. You had an amazing gift to be able to bring levity to a situation that was so tragic and do it in a way that created comfort. Jim still speaks of that moment with fondness and reverence.

The class has been a wonderful experience and you would have enjoyed it as much as I did. In a way, it was similar to Lico holiday gatherings at Grandma and Grandpa’s house on Alcoy – A bunch of funny people sitting around telling jokes while others shouted out humorous tags to add to the original joke. The laughter and camaraderie that developed in class was not new to me at all. In fact, it was very reminiscent of my youth, so part of me is sad that it is over. The good news is that I’ve developed some friendships that I trust will grow as we continue to meet and collaborate to work on new material. The additional residual effect of this whole creative process is that I wake up every morning with a smile as I seek out the humor in everyday life. In other words, live the way you lived your life every day.

It looks like there will be over 300 people in the audience at our graduation show. My years of public speaking experience has me prepared for the crowd. My years of learning comedy under your tutelage has me confident. So I’m ready. I’m doing this for my own personal growth and I’m doing this for you, dad – to carry on your legacy the best way that I can. So when I’m done with my debut I won’t look up for you, I’ll just look to my side – cause I know that’s where you’ll be the whole time. I love you, I miss you and I don’t know when I will see you next, but I promise you this – I won’t die on stage. ;-)

Love,

Tom

Lessons From Getting to the Point - Cedar Point

This past week I had the fortune to take my 9-year old daughter Ellie and her friend Megan to Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio. For those not familiar, Cedar Point is west of Cleveland and sits on the shores of Lake Erie. It is also home to more roller-coasters than any other amusement park in the country with 14. They call themselves the “Amazement” Park because their rides are so amazing. I thought it was because you spend most of the day in “a maze” waiting in line to go on the stinkin’ rides. Following are some lessons I learned while waiting in the mazes or just walking around.

DISCLAIMER: Half of the fun being at Cedar Point is “people watching.” And the fun of people watching is making fun of those people. So if any of the following offends you, just lighten up and relax. Just trying to have some fun here.

Lesson 1) “I’m an idiot”

After being diagnosed with a complex tear of the meniscus behind my left knee, what better physical therapy could I do for my knee than to spend 11 hours walking on the comfy concrete confines of an amusement park. And when you do get to sit down, you’re cramming your butt into a compartment that was made to comfortably hold a 14 year old girl. Plenty of leg room too! The corkscrew is nowhere near the highest or fastest coaster, but it is without a doubt the most uncomfortable. The seat and harness on this 33 year old ride has you so confined it makes being in an MRI feel roomy. For dinner I ordered a cheeseburger with a side of Advil.

Lesson 2) “It’s Simple Math”

Let’s get this one out of the way early. When you’re getting dressed to go to the park heed this advice. Take your actual clothes size and subtract from it the size that you just put on. If the resulting number is in double digits – it’s probably not a good idea to wear that outfit. And trust me, the water ride will NOT help your look. So do us all a favor and wear clothes that fit you today, not clothes that fit you when you were 15.

Lesson 3) “The future ain’t what it used to be”

It’s good to see Dippin’ Dots – the ice cream of the future – is celebrating its 35^th anniversary. I still can’t believe it hasn’t caught on past being a novelty treat at tourist stops and sporting venues. It is interesting to note that it continues to sell at futuristic prices though.

Lesson 4) “All Buckeyes are Nuts”

The down side of Cedar Point being in Ohio is all those stinkin’ Ohio State fans. Saw a guy with an OSU shirt that had listed on the back – Commitment, Tradition, Attitude. I noticed that “Academics” wasn’t on the list. God forbid anyone else wear another college t-shirt. If you do, that Buckeye fanatic will be sure to thump their chest and tell you how great OSU is with no less than a dozen F-bombs. As this guy was berating a Purdue fan I wanted to tell him – “Listen you drunken redneck. Go back to your trailer, brush your tooth and sleep it off.” But I kept that to myself because us Michigan fans have more class than that. Not as many wins lately, but more class.

Lesson 5) “Get the order right”

Go on all motion rides in the morning - before lunch. Why? Because the options for lunch are corn dogs, vinegar fries and an elephant ear. You hit the Viking ship after lunch and you’ll be tasting it twice. Simple and important rule – don’t mess this one up.

Lesson 6) “Super Fan”

Alright, we’ve all seen this guy somewhere. He’s got the authentic Peyton Manning NFL jersey, long royal blue shorts, Indianapolis Colts sneakers and matching ball cap – worn backwards, of course. Dude……Come on. Either you lead such an empty vacuous life that you have to live vicariously through an NFL quarterback OR you’re like Robert DeNiro in “The Fan” – a homicidal maniac stalking a superstar. Just so you know, you’re stocky 5’6” frame told me right away that you weren’t the real Peyton Manning. Heck, Manning’s the only one who could get away with actually wearing that and HE wouldn’t be caught dead in that get up. I’m sure you have a dog at home named Peyton. Trust me, if he could talk, he would tell you that you look like a fool too.

Lesson 7) “My Hero”

I salute the guy that has the cajones to wear a Tommy Bahama shirt, cut-off jean shorts, thongs (footwear), a Mexican sombrero, an 8” Civil War soldier tattoo on his calf and a cheesy porn mustache. I couldn’t even make that up. I think the people that welcome you into the park need to hand out mirrors to the people that obviously don’t own one. That’s a great look buddy and when they have the casting call for the sequel to Boogie Nights, I expect to see you there.

Lesson 8) “Water Rides Rock”

Cedar Point has 3 water rides for the price of 2. Thunder Canyon is ok – it’s hit and miss. Snake River Falls gets you drenched. Then the bridge as you’re exiting Snake River Falls is the bonus baby where you get nailed again. Be smart enough to bring your swimsuit to change into or else you’ll spend the rest of the day understanding the meaning of the word “chafe.” Also, nothing is more invigorating on a hot day that being drenched by the refreshingly unfiltered waters of Lake Erie. They tell us that the water was at the acceptable fecal level of 0.5 and that anything over 0.8 is unacceptable. Don’t know about you, but a fecal level over 0.0 is unacceptable to me. For 5 bucks they have stand-up driers to quickly dry yourself off. I’d pay 10 bucks for a de-tox chamber.

Lesson 9) "T-shirts are cool"

It seems like many visitors like to show off their humorous t-shirts at the park. The most common one I saw last Tuesday said, "It wasn't me." Now this looks clever on a middle aged man or even a teenage boy. But when you see a 35-year old woman who's 5'2" and pushin' the scales at a buck ninety - it looks like she's actually pleading her case. Not cool. Here's a tip - leave the evasive fart jokes to the guys. It's expected of us.

Lesson 10) “Watch it buddy”

There are all kinds of prizes for being suckered to play those stupid carnival games. A common prize I saw people with was the classic pair of fuzzy dice attached with string. Didn’t think much of it till I saw an attractive woman in shorts and a bikini top wearing the pair of dice around her neck. Yes, I’m a guy, so a couple of jokes raced through my mind. Just then, some Buckeye fan standing right behind me shouts to her – “Nice pair babe. Looks like snake eyes to me.” She turns her head and looks sternly at me. I innocently replied, “It wasn’t me.” I bought the t-shirt on the way out.

Michael and Madoff - What A Pair

For those just getting back from Mars, Michael Jackson died. It's been close to two weeks and its still a top story across all streams of media. The nice thing about being a sports fan is that I get to avoid much of the hoopla. While working around the house on Sunday, I was able catch a great Wimbledon final, a Tigers loss and a Tiger (Woods) win - and nobody mentioned Michael once! Yes, he was a great entertainer and yeah, he was probably a pedophile too. Neither of those are stories to me. Nor is the ensuing soap opera regarding his estate. What astounds me about Michael is how this guy completely lost touch with reality. Being that I was born in 1965, I've had the opportunity to follow his entire career. Love the old Jackson Five stuff when he sounded like a girl. Then he became an adult and sounded like a woman. I still think the "Off The Wall" album is second to "Thriller," but just doesn't get the press. He still looked like a regular guy on that album. Then "Thriller" came out and we all said, "Hmmm. Looks like Michael had some work done." Then he started to look like Diana Ross, then his sister LaToya. It was Letterman that said, "Only in American can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman." Then by the 90's he looked like Diana Ross....... if she was abducted by aliens. What the hell was up with that nose anyway??? And some how he managed to have white children to match his ebony-to-ivory transformation. One thing that isn't under dispute - the dude was weird.

Bernie Madoff got sentenced to an unprecedented 150 years for his role as the "Fonzi of Ponzi." The press tells us he ran the greatest Ponzi scheme of all time by stealing billions from unsuspecting and trusting investors. For those that don't know, a Ponzi scheme is where you collect money and use it for other things. As investors want to get out, you just pay them from new money coming in. This continues as long as you have a much higher ratio of money coming in than going out. Madoff's scam fell apart when the market collapsed and too many people wanted to withdraw and nobody wanted to invest. The money wasn't there so the jig was up. Then I'm reading a story about the concerns of our Social Security system collapsing in the not-so-distant future. The problem? The money used to pay out Social Security to seniors comes from the people paying into it today. The trend shows that more people will be collecting than there will be people contributing. But what happened to all the money put in by those seniors? Uh, um....the money was used for other things. Is it me or does this all sound familiar? You see folks, the goal was not to pay out Social Security. When it was drawn up as part of the New Deal during the Depression, the pay-out age was 62 and the life expectancy was 58. Pretty sneaky, eh? The pay-out is still in the 60's, but we're living into our 80's. Oops. So who's gonna get 150 years in prison when this one blows up?

Hey Detroit! Get Small, It's The New Big

As we’ve witnessed with General Motors, getting smaller is required to survive. Over the past 100 years, GM grew to match the burgeoning demands of a growing country. But just as an ailing senior citizen pays a price for hard living, GM has been ailing for decisions made decades ago. Now it has the opportunity to wipe the slate clean, regroup and get smaller to meet the new demands of the consumer.

Is Detroit any different from this? As the auto industry boomed, our city grew in unison. City borders were expanded, while schools, churches and stores were built to match the increased population. By the 1950’s, Detroit’s population peaked near 2 million around the same time GM’s market share peaked over 50%. They’ve both been in sharp decline ever since. GM is able to eliminate brands, factories, employees and dealerships to get smaller. How does a city get smaller? So far, it doesn’t. We have a city that has capacity for 2 million people, but has less than a million. A plethora of vacant schools, churches and stores have created an urban graveyard. So Detroit needs to do what GM is doing and get small.

Radical? Yes. Possible? Maybe not. But I never thought I would see GM and Chrysler simultaneously in bankruptcy, so I don’t know what’s too radical or not possible anymore. Detroit, Flint and Saginaw have become modern-day ghost towns. They grew in a boom of auto gold, then tapped of its resources, were left to decay. Having so much empty land in this country is a blessing and a curse. The curse is – if something gets old and tired, we can walk away and build new somewhere else. It’s time for our local, state and federal politicians to think completely out-of-the-box and ask the awkward question-- How can we make a city smaller? Why expand further out in the suburbs when we can expand inward. Is it too radical to propose to cut Detroit in half, relocate people to one half and wipe the slate clean with the rest? Keep the historic and still populated neighborhoods, but completely demolish the decadence that permeates throughout. Bring much of it back to the farmland it was 100 years ago, ready to be expanded when necessary. Reincorporate these cities with new charters, city governments, school boards, etc. A fresh look at a newer, cleaner and more consolidated city is intriguing.

I’m not so naïve to think this wouldn’t require massive federal aid. And we all know that the federal government would never take the gamble to throw billions of dollars at problems without guarantees. Or do we? It’s worth a “small” conversation.