I was not allowed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight last night. So just for fun, I walked in the surgery center at 7:00 am holding an empty Tim Horton's coffee cup. I told the woman at Registration, "Don't worry, it's decaf." Then she felt it was ok to razz me about me wearing my flannel pajama pants to surgery. I pointed to her scrubs and said, "You didn't dress up for this either." Nice way to start out a surgical procedure - exchanging smart-ass remarks with the registration desk.
The people at the Beaumont Surgical Center were outstanding........until they shaved my leg. She asked, "Left knee?" I said, "Yes. My left, your right." "Huh?" In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have been making jokes about which knee to operate on. Oh well. I asked her how long it takes to grow back. She said, "I don't know, I never let mine grow this long." Nice. Left leg is shaved 6 inches above and below the knee. That'll be a great look when I hit the gym in a couple of weeks for physical therapy. I asked her to shave the other leg the same way for some symmetry. She said, "No dice. You're on your own with that one."
Then the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself. I asked if they had any flavored anesthetics, you know, like at the dentist. I preferred "cherry" or "cookie dough" if they had it. He told me that he would see what he could do. I also let them know that I'm an aspiring comedian and was hoping to get some material from this. So everyone was having fun sharing other stories for me. I just wanted to make sure everyone was awake and alert and that they knew if they screwed up, I would make fun of them on stage. Accountability. Yeah, that's it.
They then wheeled me down to the operating room, slid me on the table, injected me with the cookie dough anesthetic and I was asleep quicker than the Lions give up a touchdown. Woke up an hour later in the recovery room. The word got out that I was a part-time comedian and they were asking for jokes. I was still waking up, so I would tell them jokes in and out of consciousness. They thought it was funny how I would start telling a joke, then fall back asleep in the middle of the punch line. I told them to look me up on youtube for the whole joke. I think I made up a couple of new Tiger Woods jokes too......or maybe that was just the "cookie dough" talking. They asked if I felt nauseous. I told them - "Only when I watch a Lions game." It got to the point where the anesthesiologist was giving me a "rim shot" after the jokes.
My mom was a trooper through the whole thing. After years of her taking my dad for hospital visits and procedures - and watching my dad do the same thing......it was a walk down memory lane for her. Glad I could comply.
After all said and done, I was back at my house by 10:45. Got situated in the recliner with remote in hand and turned the tv on. Shortly thereafter, I was in excruciating pain. Yes, watching Drew Carey host "The Price Is Right" is incredibly painful to watch. Fortunately, I have a whole bottle of vicodin by my side. Half the bottle is for me, the other half is to sell to cover my co-pay. Tell Obama, I have my own health care plans. Anyway, I put in a movie which helped ease the Drew Carey induced pain and made protein shake.......cause I'm starving!
I have an ace bandage wrapped from my foot to my thigh and I have to leave it on for 3 days. Glad I took a shower this morning.......cause its gonna be a few days. Probably should have kept that part to myself. Might limit the visitors this weekend. Because I'm a sentimentalist at heart, I am using the same crutches my dad used when he had knee surgery in 1968. That probably wasn't a good idea either.
Thanks again for all the well-wishes. I really do appreciate it. It's nice to know how many people think they're in my will. I had a great experience and I'm having a great day........because that is my choice. It's a choice we get to make every morning, so choose wisely!
